BARRIE ON RICK STACK’S PASSING posted October 19, 2025

 BARRIE ON RICK STACK’S PASSING posted October 19, 2025

 

This is something I wanted to discuss for a long time—since it happened in early January 2024.

I had prohibited myself from discussing his death because of a misunderstanding with someone not in the Seth community—who believed she would have been hurt if I spoke up. It went against ALL that is within me to remain silent.

I knew that I didn’t want to hurt this person, but on the other hand, I was deeply conflicted about keeping this secret from the Seth community due to my belief that people have a right to know, especially those struggling with suicidal thoughts.

And now I have finally lifted this great weight off my shoulders by figuring out what I definitely want and need to do—but especially HOW to do it. That is, how to bring this up 1.5 years later…seemingly out of the blue to you suddenly hearing about it after all this time. But to me, it has always been on my mind.

There may be some rambling here for it is obviously emotional and upsetting--and difficult to write as Ricky was a close friend since 1967 and one of the NY Boys.

We had a very deep connection. He was my best friend for the first 10 years we knew each other. We drove cross-country together in the summer of 1968; and hitched cross-country together in the summer of 1969. We partied around and hung out with all our hippie friends—but that is not how we defined ourselves. We privately shared many late night, in-depth talks, drunk or sober, on life, death and all the themes that eventually also came up in the Seth material.

We were CLOSE, especially close, and this bond never severed as we went our different ways as we got older—but we always stayed in touch. I presented at most of his Seth conferences, he sold my books online at the SethCenter, and there were occasional parties at his house and Clearview reunions with all old friends.

So, I speak about Ricky with weight, sadness and yet joy—for I will forever remember his smile and laugh—which was always there.

So, now let me share the news I had found myself, with great difficulty, choosing not to share because I didn’t want to hurt this other close friend—who is not in the Seth community:.

Rick committed suicide.

I feel and felt all along that Rick’s suicide should never have been kept from the Seth community. But my misunderstood promise to this person OUTSIDE of the Seth community…was a huge dilemma and she wanted me to say nothing. On my part, I just STRONGLY didn’t want to hurt this person, even though she didn’t correctly hear what I said and I NEVER promised what she thought I did.

On the other hand, I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to inform and discuss this with the Seth community as I believe it was important for all Seth page members to know—as the topic of suicide is very important and can be life-saving. This sharing also would have been part of MY grieving process which I had to put aside. This putting-off became a continued growing personal burden on me as time went on. It suddenly hit me one day, too late, that it would be more and more difficult to bring up because so much time had passed.

I still felt extremely and deeply, and yet simultaneously with a strong inner conflict, emotional stress and a feeling of betrayal to my own set of values, that it was BETTER to remain silent and NOT inadvertently create “collateral damage” – and hurt this person NOT in the Seth community.

My dilemma was to NOT hurt this person and keep quiet…VERSUIS sharing the truth of Rick’s death and to share my grief with the Seth community-at-large; a community of individuals each one who I believe DEFINITELY had a right to know—BUT THEN, I’d be HURTING THIS ONE PERSON in the process.

I said that I WOULD ALWAYS directly tell the truth to anyone who asked me directly. I would not lie to someone directly. But I would also not go out of my way to tell everyone at once.

This is what bothered me the MOST and made it most difficult to agree to my friend’s request: The circle of Rick’s close Seth friends—including his wife--wanted to keep Rick’s suicide a secret because they wanted to protect Rick’s legacy.

And so, they, too, along with my friend, strongly wanted me to remain quiet. They didn’t even want me to know--believing that I would not keep it secret. My friend already had gotten into “big trouble” for telling me what happened—and they were very mad at her.

I told her that I’d wait until the family decided what they wanted to say publicly…and THEN I’d share with the Seth community. But she told THEM that I promised that I’d never say anything EVER…which I would NEVER promise OR say. And she really feared being ostracized by them.

But THEIR reason for silence and secrecy--made me so nauseated, angry and upset—because it went against so much I believed in and stood for--that I just wanted to say to my close friend, “fuck you,” and tell her that I CANNOT allow this to be kept secret to protect Rick’s legacy.

BUT my compassion and empathy to this person prevailed and I agreed to remain silent FOR HER as far as group awareness went. But one part of me really hated this choice, but I didn’t know what else to do.

I didn’t know how to balance it all except to continue the silent status quo. I had hoped that the answers would eventually come to me as I tried to figure out what I should and should not say and do.

And as I said, the answer did finally come to me…1.5 years later. And this post, as it is written, is that answer.

And in this process, I eventually did realize that the question had shifted to IF I should say anything, to HOW CAN I say anything so much later after his death? How can I word it? How can I even introduce the topic now after so long?

SO, during my long dilemma, I would always be BOTH going against myself by EITHER sharing everything with the Seth community or NOT…and this was my ongoing dilemma for 1.5 years.

AND it had finally weighed so heavy—that the heaviness helped to reveal the answer that I sought..

As my grieving process was stilted, it still did evolve over time, reaching its final evolution via my recent conversations with Dave Marshall—who I trusted enough to consult. We had developed a good and trusting relationship via our taping of shows together on his channel.

AND I have NOW figured out how to navigate within the dilemma of hurting this other person and not keeping something that I believe should’ve been shared all along with the Seth community.

I was willing to wait until Rick’s wife decided what she wanted to do or say, which I figured would take about a month, and then I’d share everything I thought was proper…but then this misunderstanding occurred…and time kept passing.

In my heart and soul. I felt and believe that the Seth community had and has a right to know and it has bothered me ever since and every day—not to share with you guys as a group.

Strangely to me, but for some reason, the few people who asked me about Rick and to whom I DID tell—didn’t think it was a big deal if I told the community-at-large or not. I went out of my way to ask their opinion, hoping it would help me solve my dilemma--but I disagreed with them. And it didn’t help at all.

It NEVER felt right but I didn’t want to hurt this person even tho she misunderstood what I said.

But “betraying myself” ended up hurting me too much as time went by—and I had to choose which self-betrayal I would have to make: Betray myself by hurting her; OR betray myself continuing to not share with the Seth community.

And by finally making a choice--by thinking, feeling, reasoning, talking and intuiting about it—I eventually felt and realized that whatever choice I would finally make—would resolve everything in my mind and thus would no longer be a self-betrayal

Previously, either sharing-at-large about what happened or not sharing it —would BOTH be a betrayal of myself.

Either choice: To hide the truth at large (altho telling anyone who directly asked me) VERSUS not hurting someone I cared deeply about—would BOTH be a betrayal of myself and of PROMISES I made to myself.

These two powerful positions and choices were co-existing within me and in conflict with each other. And I felt equally guilty when thinking about any choice I would make: Hurting this person because of not keeping a promise that I never even made but she believed I did—versus hurting the Seth community and each person in it by not publicly sharing what happened with Ricky and why.

But now, as time has passed, I have FINALLY resolved this inner conflict and HOW to share it especially AFTER so much time has passed.

I now believe and feel that IF this person is hurt, I’m sorry but it is on her; and I have an obligation and right to MYSELF to share and express MY experience, grief and grieving process with MY community—which is the Seth community.

She was already sharing it all along with HER community--which included those in Rick’s Seth circle who wanted it to be kept secret all along.

My background in this area of hurting others vs telling the truth is this:

I had, at various times, been in love with people and in relationships with them—and THEN hurt them—who I deeply loved and cared about--because of what I felt and believed was the right thing to do--and THUS it should be done—and THAT WAS to tell them the truth.

This involved relationships and having sex with other people…and my philosophy was not simply selfish bullshit but actually had some depth to it.

In my17-to-23-year-old mind, it wasn’t cheating IF you told the person first, before you did it. I also knew, accepted and told them that whatever I did, they also had the right to do regardless of how much it may hurt me.

The philosophy that I was acting on was based on how important it was to tell the truth; to not keep secrets AND that IF you love someone, then you wanted them to be happy, even IF it hurts you.

WHY IS THE TRUTH SO IMPORTANT?

Because lying to people is a very intimate way of getting between that person and his or her perception and relationship to the reality around them with which they interact. In short, it intimately gets between the person and the reality they perceive--and can make them doubt reality, themselves and that relationship.

Lying to someone can lead to that person not trusting themselves. They believe that something is true—their mind and body is telling them that they perceive the truth. But someone is telling them that what they believe is not the truth; that what they believe is wrong.

For example, let’s say that they feel and believe—and see clues—that their spouse is cheating on them. BUT THEN, if they are lied to, they can be fooled and manipulated that what they thought was true—was actually false. And now they have to begin to question and maybe even demean themselves: What is wrong with me? Why didn’t I see the truth that he wasn’t cheating on me? Why did I doubt this person? Why am I so mistrusting? What else have I missed elsewhere?

ON SO MANY LEVELS, this is not fair or right to do to a person.

And honesty is ALSO important because it aids you in your quest to understand yourself, figure out what you believe and why—and to face all the things inside you that you want to hide, run from or share and embrace. In short, honesty is the crucial factor in taking the brave inner journey of self-awareness to know and understand who you are, what you believe, love and fear—and why.

And so, acting on these beliefs about truth, I’d tell my lover or girlfriend first--BEFORE sleeping with someone else, that I’d be doing it. This only happened a few times, but left a lasting, life-long impression on me concerning what NOT TO DO…and that was NOT HURT others, especially those you love and care about.

For about 50 years, this concept and philosophy was no problem at all. It was clear. Don’t lie…and don’t hurt others, especially those you care about.

But NOW, this whole issue, philosophy and concept had been inadvertently thrown into my face with Ricky’s suicide and the misunderstanding of this person who I cared greatly about.

My old dilemma coming back: Keeping secrets from other people I care about, the members of the Seth community, in this case--versus telling the truth.

I now realize, at this moment, that THERE were OTHER ISSUES at play as well… that had an importance in my dilemma of which I was previously unaware. Yet, they were a part of understanding this situation.

They were hiding in my head and also needed to be examined and discussed besides the issue of suicide itself and Ricky’s suicide in particular. These OTHER issues were telling the truth, keeping secrets and hurting others.

IF I didn’t delay trying to figure out what to say because of my confusion and conflicting beliefs, THEN I wouldn’t have been able to see these other issues—for they wouldn’t have come up. My long “pause” of reflection” thus added to the depth of the dilemma and scope of this discussion.

In short, now I believe that these issues of truth, secrets and hurting others are as significant to discuss as it is to discuss suicide. These issues were waiting to become important parts of this discussion—until I could figure out that they were there.

By the way, all this about my relationships, was behind me reading an essay on beliefs in class called, “Relationships and Fucking Other People.” This whole issue was actually discussed in Seth class after I read my essay…but that is another story.

Relationships, go figure.

So…getting back to these past relationships, what would happen, as I employed my “policy of honesty” -- BEFORE I learned my “lesson” -- was that I would proceed to be honest and THEN take action. This meant that I would then go ahead and have sex with this other person.

THEN I’d go home, see my UPSET loved one left behind. feel TOTALLY HORRIBLE that the person who I loved and “cheated on” was so hurt—even tho I technically wasn’t cheating because I told them beforehand.

In short, it HURT me SO MUCH seeing that the person I loved was hurt, that I then made up a new rule at age 24—not to hurt the person I loved—which got expanded and added emotional depth to the concept of NOT hurting others.

And so, I PROMISED myself that I would NEVER do THAT again— that it wasn’t worth it. OR to put it in another way: It WAS MORE worth it to NOT hurt the other person than it was to do something because I believed it was right.

The pleasure and joy I anticipated and felt in the sexual act with the other person did NOT come close to matching the PAIN I felt afterwards--seeing the ramifications of my loved one in pain. I guess I was acting out my own “violations and natural guilt.”

And what also stayed steadfast thru-out all these years, in all other cases as well, was the importance of telling the truth and not lying; NOT manipulating others, causing them to doubt their own perceptions.

In this Ricky case, it would be that it was MORE worth it to NOT hurt my friend than it was to tell the Seth community because I believed it was right to tell them.

And so, since then, for 50 years, it had always worked out that choosing NOT to hurt the other person was always the right choice to make…except for NOW.

“Suddenly,” in this situation, there were a few new twists that hadn’t occurred before. WHATEVER choice I would make in THIS dilemma would hurt a number of others:

Either my close friend and those in Rick’s circle who wanted my silence; OR the individuals in the Seth community. AND in this case, a third person hurt would be ME…regardless of my choice.

My dilemma once again was: To ACT on telling the truth and once “again” hurt someone I care about--VERSUS keeping a secret, but with the new twist that NOT telling the truth ALSO hurt people I cared about—the members of the Seth community.

So, in my mind, whatever choice I made would hurt people—and this was the new twist. And to complicate matters, this was now based on “keeping” a promise that I never made.

NOT telling the truth OR telling the truth BOTH would leave people hurt—regardless of my choice. THUS, telling the truth would break my “new” 50-year-old rule for the first time—to NOT tell the truth if it hurt someone I cared about.

But in this case, I cared about people on both sides of the equation.

My confusion, hesitation and delay has always been about not hurting this other person and it’s NEVER been about wanting to keep this a secret from the Seth community at large.

WHY I BELIEVE IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR THE SETH COMMUNITY TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT RICKY’S SUICIDE

There are specific psychological reasons why I believe the Seth community members have a right to know about Rick’s choice. These reasons involve people who may be depressed and thinking about suicide themselves…or even discussing past suicide attempts or bouts with depression.

Knowing the truth about Rick’s suicide lessens the chances of members holding themselves up to false standards which can harm them. It can also remove the stigma of suicide—with the hope of having helpful, in-depth discussions—both online in groups or privately with friends.

It would be of help to Seth readers who may feel like killing themselves--that they are not alone and not inferior to Seth models or leaders who they may feel live a life that they can never live. They may think, “What is wrong with me? I can never be like my role models or leaders.” This is holding themselves up to false standards.

The fact is that Ricky committed suicide. The fact ALSO is, in my opinion, and I STRONGLY advocate this belief: The suicide does NOT lessen the worthiness, esteem or legacy of Ricky at all.

It is just like it was with Jane who couldn’t overcome some of her crucial negative childhood beliefs that she took into adulthood—and which eventually led to her illness and death. I don’t believe anyone thinks any less of Jane or her legacy because of her human frailty or inability to overcome certain powerful but ultimately harmful beliefs.

She was a PERSON like all of us…and THAT is what made her AMAZING.

So, when it comes to those held in such high regard in a group, like the Seth community, I believe the potential damage to people who may right now OR one day contemplate suicide is made worse when such secrets are hidden.

The higher on a pedestal you put a person, the more out of reach is the belief that you can be like them—as you hold them up to some ideal high standards—which may or may not be true.

Therefore, I believe that it is important to know what is true and not true concerning our “heroes” as in most cases…we want to be like them…and so we should know their full picture.

It follows that lies about this pedestalled person can ignorantly further deflate the self-esteem and self-worth of the already-depressed person.

Let me clarify, when I use the term “ignorantly,” I do not mean that in a derogatory way whatsoever. I mean that they are simply ignorant of the facts.

To make matters worse, for me, this particular secret was kept in order to protect Rick’s legacy. It was not some personal, family grieving thing. AS I said, I STRONGLY believe Rick’s legacy would be unchanged if people knew he killed himself.

To summarize: I believe that members of the Seth community who are suicidal might feel further depressed, alone and stigmatized if they believe their “leaders” would never contemplate or do such a thing.

Secrecy can create false standards and pedestal-placing that's unhealthy. I put “leaders” in quotes because I don’t believe in the concept of Seth leaders.

Jane was open about her illnesses and challenges.

And alongside all this is another issue: That of modelling honesty and having pride in oneself—believing that we are perfect with our imperfections.

As Seth said, “Perfection is a state of becoming.”

To conclude: SECRECY can open the entrance to the dungeon for those who feel isolated and alone—and OPENNESS can open the entrance to the living room for everyone to be with and feel connected to each other and all members of society and humankind—along with connected to oneself.

So, in the end, I believe that, as with Jane, the truth will HELP Rick's legacy, rather than harm it.

And promoting openness, love, compassion and goodness would be of help to all Seth community members--especially those who are struggling—who would NOW have an honest and welcoming place to turn instead of hiding and pretending in their private darkness.

Lastly, earlier I spoke of my hope and desire to spark helpful discussion on these boards or between friends. To that end, everyone is welcome to email me at bargell@aol.com or PM me here on FB—if they want to share or discuss anything. I also invite everyone to feel free to share with me and EVERYONE ELSE on this thread.

And I would be remiss not to share the national suicide hotline—for those who feel that need or desire to reach out in that manner:

988 PHONE OR TEXT (hopefully it still works as my Google search says).

The only “family” involved here was Rick’s wife who was intimately involved in the Seth community as Rob’s publicist, public relations or agent.

SHE wanted it secret SOLELY to protect Rick’s legacy.

WHY DO I say that?

Because she told many others NOT involved with the Seth community…

and I was “told” specially only NOT TO TELL THE Seth community.

I was “free” to tell anyone outside the Seth community.

So…

It was NOT secret from other people outside the Seth community.

They ALL knew—but for the Seth community—who she specifically did not want to know.

As. A side point…Rick was a public figure intimately involved with the Seth community. --Barrie

I met and talked quite a while with him at the conference in Elmira...Here is what I thought...He was a flirt, likable and mildly depressed. He seemed to need validation. But, a lot of guys need that. Also, this was a while ago and I'm kinda ..uh..pretty. So, that's what I see here. I hope Rick is finding some fun and interesting things to do...wherever he has sojourned...CJKnapp

Thank you Barrie for your openness and honesty. I have often wondered what happened to Rick. He had stepped away from his Seth classes and we were given the impression that Rick was ill but no further details. Also it seemed that Rick had passed the baton to David before he died, as though his death was something he knew was coming. Rick did seem upset at the direction he thought the country was going in during the months before he stopped classes, which surprised me. In the past he seemed much more positive And hopeful. It was that positivity that helped me when I had an experience with cancer, that helped me recognize a self punishing aspect to what was happening to my body. I am now imagining Rick in a peaceful and loving place and send him love and wish him well. --Ruth T

It's May 24, 2026 and I only just learned this. I can understand Barrie's dilemma and, actually, him informing us was the right thing to do in my opinion. Seems part of the message of the ESP class where the students revealed and discussed secrets about themselves was that secrets are kinda a 'bad' thing, to be avoided if possible. Condolences to you, Barrie. --Mark M