By Ralph Nader July 24, 2026 “Leader Jeffries, President Trump is calling.” HJ: “Hello, Mr. President, this is a rare occasion!” DT: “Well, Hakeem, I want to have a confidential talk with you on a secure line. Agreed?” HJ: “Sure, since you made the call.” DT: “By the way, Hakeem, my Saudi friends tell me that your first name in Arabic means ‘wise’.” HJ: “I try not to dwell on that, Mr. President.” DT: “Funny! Here is why I am calling. To thank you for opposing Impeachment. You’ve shown amazing political courage by standing up to the vast majority of Democratic voters who want to impeach me, remove me, and more from my beautifully renovated White House (Trump House, as we call it in our inner circle). The people are screaming at your Democrats in local town meetings because, as you know, the Dems aren’t pushing for impeachment.” DT: “Even more so, are the real guts you have in shutting down your House Democrats shouting for Impeachment now, especially after my remarks about destroying Iran’s 5000 years of civilization in April. You also blocked them from signing on to John Larson’s treasonous Articles of Impeachment and shut him up as well. TREMENDOUS exercise of power, Hakeem! You’ve freed yourself from Crazy Nancy, who impeached me twice. I admire that and wanted to tell you that directly.” HJ: “As you say, Mr. President,” (noncommittedly.) DT: “Hakeem, I wouldn’t say this publicly, but it looks like you will be Speaker in January and by a comfortable margin. So, we’re going to have to DEAL with each other, right?” “I assume so,” replied Jeffries, wondering what comes next. DT: “Not on the big issues, like strong support for Israel and a big military budget. I like what you said a while back that Israel could be the Sixth Borough of New York. And you have happily accepted tons of dough from the AIPAC PACs, as we have.” DT: “Over the years, you’ve backed bigger military budgets to keep our country strong and number one! Keep doing that, and I’ll go along with a tough audit of the Pentagon budget, which I’m told will take four years … I’m also ok with restoring the cuts to Medicaid, food and energy assistance and filling the empty seats in the regulatory agencies with the required number of Democrats okayed by you.” DT: “Plus, as Reagan did, I’ll propose a task force to come to a bipartisan agreement to shore up Social Security for our elderly. And Melania wants me to say that I’ll join you with a real child tax credit for 60 million kids.” HJ: “Sounds good, Mr. President. Can you get your GOP up here to go along?” DT: “I’ll take care of them. With Mike Johnson, we’ll keep them in line. As you say to your rebellious Dems, where are they going to go?” DT: “By now, you’re probably wondering what I want in return to make it a Deal? I want you to stay with your opposition to any drive to Impeach. Explain it how you will – ‘too distracting, too divisive, don’t have the two-thirds vote in the Senate, the people’s business is your priority, whatever.’ As you know, the Impeachment articles would bring up the Epstein smears, the so-called ‘Kitchen Table’ issues, and alleged non-enforcement of the laws. Also, the tax stuff with the IRS, the necessary spending directly by me for our great military actions abroad and so on. I got matters pretty much under control with the backing of Six Supreme Court Justices, my veto and pardon powers. What I can’t control, without drastic actions, is the impeachment power in Congress that is final and can’t be sent to the Supreme Court. I’m being very frank, here, Hakeem. And you know the ways I can fight back.” DT: “Also, I don’t want you to oppose funding my beautiful White House ballroom and the greatest Arch in the world. Pretty modest requests, wouldn’t you agree, Hakeem?” “It is too hypothetical for any response,” said Hakeem. “While I believe in compromise for the ‘greater good’ to be achieved, we have to wait until after November. Besides, as you falsely say about us, you are really trying every day to steal the elections. We also don’t know how pliable the incumbent Republicans will be to your demands. Many may blame you for their losses. I must stress that any understanding we arrive at has to be open and subject to consultation with our leadership.” DT: “I’m not surprised by what you just said. Still, I think this exchange was worthwhile as a preview of any deal. Before closing – I have my buddy Mike Johnson calling on the line again – I got to praise you for shutting down Jamie Raskin’s toying with an ugly rogue hearing on impeachment by the Dems on the Judiciary Committee. That would have set me off BIG TIME! Unlike Schiff, Raskin gets so much fawning press that it’s hard to attack him without the fake news media going bananas.” DT: “I guess you just told him: ‘Raskin, either you’re part of the leadership or you’re on your own – NO IMPEACHMENT HEARING, you understand.’ And he took it, he took it. Great job, I must say.” HJ: “No comment Mr. President. Thanks for your call. God Save America.” | 
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